pdxnewneverneverland

I don’t know how long I will get in this chapter of my life. Things are starting to get fuzzy as its been over 10 years now. I feel its important it get it documented now as time is slipping and I am afraid I wont remember how everything happened. I was living at my best friend Billi-Jo’s house at the time. Yes, she was a girl with a boys name. It was spring and my friends and I were starting to spend more time out side and go on new adventures. I was starting to feel the vibrancy of youth come take me over. I needed to pick up some things from Sabrina’s house. Sabrina was my moms current lesbian lover but before that she was was my boyfriends mother. Not just my first boyfriend but my first love. We had started to fight (John and I) after the intense 2 year relationship had given us the excuse to move in together. It just didn’t work so I had moved out about a month prior. So there I was back at his house to pick up my mail that had been accumulating since I had moved to Billi-Jo’s house. As I walked in John had started to ridicule me and the friends I was hanging out with. Mostly Jim. He was upset that I was “hanging out” with a guy older than myself. John thought to be a thug. Looking back on it I realize it was jealousy and loneliness. That didn’t fly so right by me. I was furious with him that he even HAD an opinion about who I was seeing. Being on the defensive with John had become my M.O. since his new girlfriend Becky had confided in me that he often compared the two of us and somehow had made her feel less important or attractive. That made me so angry as well as flattered that I honestly didn’t know how to interact with him other that to be standoffish. He had become a bit of a joke to me. In the same breath of his ridicule he said he needed to talk to me. Looking back on it now…Billi-Jo could have waited in the car a bit longer in the car. Jim and Royce would have been fine if we showed up a little late to pick them up. After all we had the car. I remember walking out the door feeling a bit sassy letting the screen door hit loudly behind me on the wooden frame. Looking back at John on the other side in shorts and no shirt on saying “Wait! I need to talk to you, just wait!” I just yelled back skipping off the steps.
“Sorry gotts to go, my friends are waiting” That image will for ever haunt me as my lesson.

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